Humorous Dating Advice from the TEXAS WILDCAT
(Ghostwritten by Adrienne deWolfe for You-Know-Who)
Editor’s Note: Still pining for a date this weekend? No problem. Sheep rancher Bailey McShane, the (aptly named) TEXAS WILDCAT from Adrienne deWolfe’s award-winning Wild Texas Nights series, is here to share her secrets for catching a mate!
Howdy, gals! Bailey here.
Now don’t you be moping around the homestead ‘cause some clueless male didn’t ask you to a fandango. I got plenty of experience roping stud ponies – ‘specially the two-legged kind. So listen up.
First off, don’t pay any mind to the prissy missies, like that Amaryllis Larabee, who set her cap for my Zack. The prissies would have you believe that a real lady puts on lacy pink frou-frou, totters around on stilts, and bats her eyelashes hard enough to set a prairie schooner sailing.
Hogwash. No man worth having wants his woman trussed up in a corset. Men like a gal who WIGGLES when she walks. You ever see a ewe in a brassiere? I rest my case!
Now once you get the ram’s . . . er, I mean, the man’s attention, don’t gush and giggle every time the fool opens his mouth. Teach that randy rascal some respect!
When Hank Rotterdam and his twin sons were after my ranch, here’s how I set those cusses straight:
Hank: “Aw, c’mon, Bailey. Why don’t you forget about Nick and marry Nate? Heck, they look just the same. And they got the same equipment, if you know what I mean.”
Me: “I’ll keep that in mind, when I’m ready to raise hogs.”
You see that? The old skirt-chaser was so floored, he didn’t even know which way was up!
Now here’s a sparkin’ tip for ya’ll. Girly punch and cucumber sandwiches ain’t gonna fire up your man’s blood!
You want some bull pawing the sod to give your skirts a whirl? Then I got one word for you, amigas: MOONSHINE.
Serve it up by the barrel.
Here’s how my 100 percent all-beef male likes to tattle on me:
Little Miss Bo Peep was so dang sure of herself, sitting over there with that mischievous smirk. But how powerful could the moonshine be? Bailey had taken a swig without batting an eye.
Zack tossed back his shot and nearly died. Fire burned a path from his gullet to his gut. He was pretty sure his ears were smoking. It was all he could do not to cough and shudder as the busthead went down.
Bailey thumped him helpfully between the shoulder blades. “Good stuff, eh?”
He wheezed. “You sure there’s no rat poison in this?”
Yee-haw! Take it from me, gals. Tarantula juice gets the job done! After a coupla swigs, Zack started stamping and pawing so hard, he scooped me up in his arms, hauled me up a flight of stairs and . . .
Oops! Look at the time! Gotta mozy on down to the barn to get those merino sheep sheared.
But before I go, I’ll leave you with a final tip. And this one’s worth its weight in chocolate, if you know what I mean.
My ghost-writer pal, Adrienne deWolfe, is hosting a Scavenger Hunt! One lucky winner will get a choice of Prizes!
A lovely Spirit of the West necklace and earring set (for all you fans of the Wild Texas Nights series!)
Prize Option #2:
A sleeve for your Kindle or Nook, with your choice of one of Adrienne’s book covers imprinted on it! (And you KNOW which cover you’d better pick for that sleeve, amigas!)
By the way, if you don’t live in the continental U.S., Adrienne will send you an Amazon Gift Card in lieu of the other prizes.
Good luck! Me and Zack and the whole TEXAS WILDCAT gang will be rootin’ for ya!
Adrienne deWolfe is a #1 bestselling author of action-packed Historical Romance novels, where feisty Heroines buck the conventions and true Heroes must be wickedly funny. Currently, she is writing the first book in her new Romantic Suspense series, The Gunslinger and the Redheaded Sleuth. For sneak peeks of her sassy ladies and sizzling rogues, visit http://ebookdiscovery.com.p8.hostingprod.com/AdrienneDeWolfe