I Hate You, Kelly Donahue by Mark Svartz
Release Date: January 15, 2012
Publisher: Adams Media
Page Count: 112
Source: Book from publisher
As a little kid, a boy would pinch the girl he liked. As a grown-up, Mark Svartz plans her ultimate demise through a number of twisted murder plots that involve lead pipes, escape routes, and David Hasselhoff. Some guys never grow up.
This book chronicles the eight months, sixteen days, and some-odd hours since Mark first laid eyes on the despicable, wretched wench he’s destined to fight to the death. Every note, thought, IM, email, Post-It, and craigslist ad looking for a crime-scene clean-up is meticulously catalogued in Mark’s journal.
Is it a diary of a mad man? Or a man madly in love? Who cares? It’s seriously messed up. And seriously funny.
Review: The title of this book alone just sounded like so much fun that I had to read it. When the book arrived, the cover looked like a scribbled on journal (i.e., one of my notebooks from high school). The inside looked the same. Rather than using Times New Roman (or whatever) font, the pages looked hand-written. And the first page started out with the “author” starting a new job, seeing Kelly Donahue, and determining he wanted to fight her to the death. There is no reason given. Just page after page of ideas of ways the fight might transpire: pointy pencil to the eye, tiger attack, obesity (which, after all, is the #1 cause of death in the United States).
There’s not a lot I can say about this book without giving away something. It is, however, one of those books where I was sure I knew how it would end. I was wrong. The ending was completely different and surprising and a laugh-out-loud moment. (And, no, I’m not going to tell you what I thought would happen).
I don’t often put an actor’s face into the face of a book character, but I can so see Michael Cera (Arrested Development, Nick and Nora’s Fabulous Playlist, Juno) playing the lead role of Mark Svartz should they ever make this book into a movie. And I think they should.
This was a first-write for Svartz and he did a bang-up job of it. The journal is witty, well-written and has character. The “taped in” images are a creative touch as are the doodling’s of Kelly Donahue’s death. I can’t wait to see what he comes up with next and I highly recommend this book as a quick read (took me about an hour) if you’re looking for something to amuse yourself. Or if you hate Kelly Donahue.
Favorite Quote: ‘JAWS’ is playing on H.B.O.
Where can I get a shark???