Jen: This week we welcome Tim Kellis to the blog. Tim, will you please share a short bio with us?
Tim: Tim’s TV appearances include appearances on NBC, CBS, ABC, PBS and Lifetime. Radio appearances include A Balanced Life with Beth Aldrich, A Fresh Start with Sallie Felton, Marriage 101 with Starr and Bob Calo-oy, Journey of Life Radio with Joseph LoBrutto III, Life Insight From Experts (L.I.F.E.) with Shelley Costello and Internet Radio Interview on SoundAuthors.com.
Renowned Wall Street analyst Tim Kellis takes on what could be considered society’s biggest problem today, divorce. The journey that led to him tackling such a significant issue was both personal and professional. After a successful career that eventually landed him on Wall Street Tim met what he thought was the girl of his dreams, only to see that relationship end with bitterness and anger. The journey included work with a marital therapist, and after he discovered the therapist wasn’t really helping decided to tackle the issue himself.
Ambition and a strong aptitude for math helped lead Kellis to discover how to make relationships work. His math skills led directly to an engineering degree, nine years in the telecommunications industry, an MBA in finance, and finally on to Wall Street, where he became the very first semiconductor analyst to focus on the communications market.
After publishing a 300-page initiation piece entitled Initiating Coverage of the Semiconductor Industry: Riding the Bandwidth Wave, Kellis became a leading semiconductor analyst at one of the biggest firms on Wall Street. The experience he gained as a Wall Street analyst provided an excellent backdrop for becoming an expert on relationships, and resulted in his relationship book entitled Equality: The Quest for the Happy Marriage.
Jen: Tell us about Equality: The Quest for the Happy Marriage and where it’s available.
Tim: The journey through Equality: The Quest for the Happy Marriage includes a trip through history, where the most significant lessons civilization has learned over the last few thousand years are used to demonstrate not only the way to set up a positive relationship, but the causes of that relationship turning negative.
Additionally, I dive into the science of psychology to answer the most basic question anyone asks who goes through the pain of divorce, “why didn’t we work out”?
The basic premise of the book is that we have a 50% divorce rate yet there doesn’t appear to be anything happening to help solve this problem. Just because divorce has become a significant part of our culture doesn’t mean we should simply sit back while countless families suffer through the agony of splitting up.
The toll to society tomorrow because of our culture of divorce today is impossible to determine but future generations will have to deal with this change to the culture that has occurred over the last two generations.
For the first time in history I elaborate on a psychological solution to our psychological problems so that couples can learn how to change the direction of their negative relationships. In essence, the psychological objective is to understand what happens mentally between two people who make one of the most important decisions of their lives, to get married.
The objective of this book is to provide real, logical help to couples so that they can learn how to stay out of the divorce trap. The bottom line is to learn how to set up your relationship so that you can maintain a happy, healthy, harmonious, loving, affectionate, intimate marriage.
The book is available at my web site at https://www.HappyRelationships.com/buy.aspx where you can get it for a limited time at 20% off, or on Amazon at http://www.amazon.com/Equality-Quest-Marriage-Tim-Kellis/dp/0979984807/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1234810171&sr=8-1
Jen: At what age did you discover writing and when were you first published? Tell us your call story.
Tim: The funny thing about the question about me wanting to be a writer is I never imagined myself as a writer. In fact, I didn’t really even like to read as a kid. I didn’t fall in love with reading until I became an adult, and have been a voracious reader of all things non-fiction since then.
I kind of slipped into a writing career by becoming a Wall Street analyst. I fell in love with the stock market in 1986 when my first investment turned out successful, and I made around $30,000. My success led to a second career of investing in stocks where I spent my spare time researching their fundamentals, thus leading to my job as a semiconductor analyst after getting my MBA.
And one of the fundamental aspects of a Wall Street analyst is “publish or perish”, where you have to continually write up updates on the stocks you follow. You also begin by publishing what is known as an initial report on your companies. My initiation report on the communications semiconductor industry, a subsector of the semiconductor industry where I was the first on Wall Street to focus on, was 300 pages.
So I kind of stumbled into the business of being a writer. And then I met the girl I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with, and after that relationship fell apart decided to use my experience writing on Wall Street to write a book on relationships.
Jen: Describe your writing in three words.
Tim: Non-fiction, detailed, inclusive
Jen: Do you have a writing routine?
Tim: The reality is I did so much research before writing that by the time I sat down to write the book I pretty much had everything upstairs in my mind before I began. I spent 10 months reading around 100 books, so by the time I began typing the writing came pretty easily. I basically spent 9 months writing, spending about 4 hours every morning typing away. Additionally, I spent a couple of months working on the outline so I pretty much knew the structure of the message I wanted to build.
Jen: How do you shut out disruptions?
Tim: I knew that I was writing a very significant book because of all of the research I did. Of the 100 books that went into the research were nearly 2 dozen relationship books and when you get your arms around the messages from the experts in these books you realize that not much went into the content. No, men and women are not from different planets, despite the mass appeal of that message.
So, again, the writing came pretty easily. I actually moved to Costa Rica to write the book, so in addition to my mental preparation I had the backdrop of a gorgeous setting.
Jen: What kind of research did you do for this book?
Tim: This is probably one of the most researched books ever written. The extensive research that went into writing this book included reading over 100 books over a 10 month period, at 2 ½ books a week. I then spent 9 months writing. The subject matter of the 100 books was sociology, religion, capitalism, philosophy, psychology, psychiatry, relationship books and spirituality.
And the other element that went into the research was my own personal experience. I’ve often wondered why people think that marital therapists are experts at relationship because most of us now have experiences in relationships.
The most important backdrop to my background, though, is the fact that my parents are still married. They just recently celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary. This is important because of my resolve that divorce is not an option to me. My parents taught me that you stick it out when you have difficulty in your marriage, and boy did they have a lot of problems in theirs. I’ve included an autobiographical section in the middle of the book to put a personal touch on it.
Jen: What’s the most challenging aspect of writing? Easiest?
Tim: Although I did a ton of research the most challenging aspect had to be communicating the many messages I wanted to communicate. And these messages have numerous meanings. For example, in the section of the book where I describe how to establish a successful relationship I use capitalism to demonstrate the notion of a partnership within a marriage. The example I use is Microsoft and the partnership of the 2 co-founders, Bill Gates and Paul Allen. The use of Microsoft also has a number of other significant messages, the most important is the notion that we have minds, analogous to the software that Microsoft produces, that controls our behavior and that we are not hardwired, contrary to this notion that we are hardwired that you get from the professionals.
And I would have to say the easiest aspect of writing is the passion that I have to get my message out because of my belief that there really aren’t any other relationship books that give you such a comprehensive solution, despite the myriad of books that have been written.
Jen: What’s the most rewarding aspect?
Tim: The most rewarding aspect of writing is the feedback I get from someone who reads the book. I have a number of book reviews that have been published and get chills with the description of these reviews. Here are just a few:
I also have an interview with a couple I worked with on YouTube. The link to the 2-part interview is below.
Jen: Who has inspired you as an author?
Tim: My biggest inspiration would have to be Carl Jung because of the significance and clarity of his message. If you are not familiar with Carl Jung, at one time Sigmund Freud had designated him Freud’s heir apparent until they split over Freud’s biology conclusion, really the reason the psychology industry has yet to solve the marriage problem. Jung actually discovered how the mind works and if our society would understand these discoveries then we really could reverse this tsunami of divorce that we have been dealing with for the last 2 generations. In fact, one significant objective of mine is to finally replace Freud as the foundation of the psychology industry with Jung. I could not have written my book without learning Jung’s awesome discoveries.
Jen: What’s the most interesting comment you have received about your books?
Tim: Bobby, the husband from the YouTube videos above, ends his description of the book by calling it the bible of relationship books.
Jen: Who are some of your favorite authors and books? What are you reading now?
Tim: I’ve already mentioned Carl Jung and the significance of his work. I would have to say that next would be a book call The Mind and the Brain, written by Dr. Jeffrey Schwartz and published in 2002. This book is the second most significant source for me because Dr. Schwartz provides ironclad, scientific proof not only of the existence of the mind, but a mind capable of thinking. Believe it or not, but because of Freud’s biology conclusion the notion that the mind is capable of thinking is not included in the foundation of the psychology industry, which is why the industry only focuses on the emotional side of the mind because emotions are much closer to our biological makeup.
In fact, the basic platform for marriage therapy today is technically referred to a cognitive behavioral therapy. What this means in layman’s terms is a therapist will ask someone in therapy to describe the thoughts behind the feelings of the spouse’s behavior. This is where the “how does that make you feel” question comes from, the basis behind therapy today, and an approach that makes solving the marriage problem impossible and sets up the psychology business model so that people return every week…for years…at $100 per visit. We spend $12 billion a year on therapy.
When I find a writer I like I generally read the entire library of that writer. Yes, I read every book Dan Brown wrote. Today I am reading the entire library of a writer by the name of Norma Lorre Goodrich. Her work is absolutely fascinating. What she has basically discovered is the factual basis behind King Author and The Holy Grail. Really the bottom line behind the significance of Jung’s work is his understanding of the development of myths and symbols throughout history, and Norma Lorre Goodrich has uncovered the factual basis of The Holy Grail myth. This is very important for us to understand because of the influence of these messages on us as individuals. Really the motivation for our unconscious drives come to us from what we learn from the messages of society as a whole.
Jen: What’s next for you?
Tim: My job is not really to sell books but to save marriages. I currently spend full time not only promoting my book but working on many different angles to get my message out. I am currently working with a production company for a TV show that should be airing in the next couple of months on up to 204 TV stations across the country. Stay tuned, as the saying goes.
I am also working in South Florida on getting in front of couples. I have a MeetUp group I have formed to get couples to collectively work together on solving their marriage problems. The link is: http://www.meetup.com/Real-Solutions-for-Real-Relationships/
I am also networking with numerous other authors and practitioners who also understand the notion behind mental healing, getting over your past, really the key concept behind not only individual development but the notion that individual happiness is absolutely the key first step to a successful marriage. We are working together to set up seminars and events so that we may present our messages to couples.
Jen: Where can you be found on the web?
Tim: I have 2 main web sites.
The first main web site is http://HappyRelationships.com/ where you can find out a lot more about my project.
My second site is my blog at http://HappyMarriages.com/ where I post regularly on marriage issues.
I would also like to ask your readers to invite me to their Facebook networks so I can keep them updated on my activities. My Facebook profile is: http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1359207598&ref=profile
And finally, I would like to give your readers the link to my YouTube page where they can view the numerous videos I have posted. That link is: http://www.youtube.com/user/happyrelationships
Jen: Is there anything you’d like to ask our readers?
Tim: Yes, please help me save our culture of marriage. If not, our children will be responsible for cleaning up the mess we have left them.
Jen: Thank you Tim for stopping by this week. Readers, Tim will be here all week answering any questions you have for him.
And we have a different giveaway this week. Tim is giving away a free DVD to the first 5 people who email firstname.lastname@example.org with a receipt telling us you’ve purchased the book. The DVD must be claimed by next Sunday, July 19 and the book must be purchased between July 13 and 19th.